Hi, I’m still alive.
Over the past two years, life has felt exciting because of the many new experiences I have had, but there is still a feeling of emptiness that I feel and I am killing myself more and more.
I lost my enthusiasm for life, my level of confidence dropped drastically, I didn’t trust myself or even other people. I also felt that life was too unfair to me.
I felt like I used to have a lot of passion and dreams to pursue, but slowly everything disappeared like dust that disappeared invisible in the wind. Everything felt empty and I didn’t know what I was doing in the last two years. Want to know the reason? Because you are in the wrong environment. A comfort zone that feels toxic, because you don’t develop or learn at all
I thought I could survive in a toxic environment, feeling ignored felt like a normal thing. However, being ignored is painful if felt for a long time. Not being in an environment that requires impact from you was a stupid decision I took two years ago. It felt like my world was slowly crumbling, and stupidity stuck to my forehead.
However, now I am trying to get up and starting to realize that I am just too afraid of the future. In fact, we are repeatedly reminded that change must start with a big breakthrough from yourself, because no one will be able to help you. Feelings of guilt, failure and hurting yourself too much must slowly be eliminated by getting out of that place.
There are too many signs, there are too many reasons why I don’t feel at home: because of the unfair treatment I receive continuously, being a stupid people pleaser where even your existence is not appreciated. Okay, there won’t be a story about two or three times being treated stupidly and not appreciated. I also realized that I had a lot of capacity to develop and run business as usual. After all, I have always had 1001 ways to grow.
